Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize