i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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