If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
cat food counts as protein by the way
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
