ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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