Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
