Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
