You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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