Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
