I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize