i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize