Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
