how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
