you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
