he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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