Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
