I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
