If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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