I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just had sex bonerless
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize