The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
