The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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