You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize