we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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