I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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