and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
