The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
