I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
