it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
no more duck duck goose at the bar
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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