woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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