i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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