Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
