I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
