No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize