Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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