legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize