got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
