Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
