do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
