My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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