Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
