I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
