Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
