He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
