You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
