You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
