i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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