I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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