Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
