I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
