my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
soo... how was my night?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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