At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize