i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
my poor anus
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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