I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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