I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
