i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize