Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Enjoy the penises
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
