He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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