I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
