dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
