why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
