I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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