You don't have asthma, your pregnant
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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