You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
