you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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