Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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