My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
