goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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