Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize