your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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