But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
