I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Everclear isn't food dammit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
