I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
