she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
