I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
