he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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