So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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